In which I think about a spam perhaps overly much.

[brooksmoses]

I have been informed by a Dr. Tunde Brown that I should send in my personal information and a small payment in order to receive a "Swift Credit Card System" ATM card which I am entitled to. This ATM card is described as follows:

The total amount on your ATM CARD is USD$8.5M; upon receipt of your ATM CARD, you can withdraw at any ATM centre nearest to you and you are required to withdraw $150,000.00 per 2hours, according to the statutory convention Governing the ethics of your Card.

Now, as I ponder this, I wonder if it occurred to the author of this that ATMs are not, in fact, limitless supplies of money so long as they're connected to a bank account. I'm not entirely sure how much they hold, but it seems quite likely that $150,000 is substantially more than an ATM holds.

I pointed this out to suzimoses, who observed that it did not in fact say that I could withdraw this at a single ATM; it referred to an ATM centre, which I suppose means the set of machines at a given bank.

So, I have this image of driving up to a bank, getting out a bucket, and completely emptying all of their machines. Sorry, people in line behind me, there's none left. (I wouldn't be that rude; I'd give them $40 out of the bucket.)

Meanwhile, there's this "required to with draw ... per 2 hours" clause. Apparently, I must withdraw this much; I do not have the option of withdrawing less. And so, every two hours -- perhaps more often, if there's not $150,000 in the whole set of ATMs -- I must find a new bank, and drain all of the cash out of its ATMs into buckets, every two hours, for slightly over 100 hours straight. That's probably most of the peninsula, by the time I'd be done with it.

And then, after four days of sleep deprivation and having $8.5M in buckets in the back of the car -- it may just fit, though I suspect the springs will be bottomed out -- I have to find a bank to accept it as a deposit, or otherwise figure out what to do with all that cash.

This really seems like it ought to be the plot of a B-grade straight-to-DVD comedy.

Comments

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It does seem somewhat reminiscent of the bus that couldn't slow down.

[tiger-spot.livejournal.com]

I'd think it would be easier to pass the card to a trusted friend every so often; preferably a trusted friend with a car, so you could go drop off the first batch somewhere and get some sleep before your next shift. It's not like ATM cards have biometrics (yet).

[green-knight.livejournal.com]

What worries me is... it's a _credit_ card. What happens if you get overdrawn? In all the excitement and sleep deprivation, you probably wont realise that you're overdrawn. So then you go and spend your millions on your year-long cruise or whatever, and among all those congratulatory letters from friends and family (and by the way, I am in *such* a bind, could you wire me $5000?) there will be, unseen, a bill, and before you know if you've spent everything and you're *bankrupt*.

That's how banks make money, isn't it?

[surelars.livejournal.com]

The whole scenario just made me smile. Thanks.

[eagle]

I dunno, sounds like typical farming behavior in a console RPG. *grin*

[elisteran.livejournal.com]

Actually, assuming it takes you 30 minutes to empty out a bank, can't you just go inside for the 1.5 hours and have them deposit it to your account and then ask them to refill the machines?

You'd have to travel somewhat between 5pm and 9am, but you've saved yourself from visiting 4 banks a day that way, and save some load on your car.